A Welcome Return!

Hello! It’s nice to be back! Unfortunately I had to take a hiatus of a few months from before Christmas to now to deal with some important personal issues but I’ve resolved to get  myself back in the game as my site was starting to collect a few cobwebs!

I’ve already got some new work in the pipeline but instead of jumping right in I wanted to discuss briefly my plans for March – the weather’s getting good again and the creativity is finally flowing once more!

  • I’ve been working on a new short story, a horror piece I’ve provisionally titled Entrance of the Gladiators, though this may change or it may not, we’ll see how this goes! This is a short story I’d initially planned to write and release around Christmas time but because of things that were going on in my personal life I wasn’t able to commit the time to, and honestly, I wasn’t in the right place to either.

    Nevertheless, I’ve decided to resurrect the idea. I had initially hoped to have this piece ready to submit on 11th March to the BBC National Short Story Award but while I’ve been enjoying writing the draft, in my heart of hearts it’s far too rough at this point and I can’t see myself, barring some kind of miracle, being able to finish it to a standard I feel comfortable submitting it to. I’m disappointed to not be able to submit it but I’m being realistic. However, I will be finishing the piece and sending it off to a couple of wordsmith friends for some commentary and I will be researching some other competitions in the very near future to send it to.

    I will say that I have really enjoyed writing it so far, I think I’ve got some really cool horror ideas going on and I’m enjoying the experience of being a fledgling horror writer! Also, I’m going to persist with writing shorts for competitions – even if I don’t win or get shortlisted, these are good exercises for working to a deadline I don’t have the liberty of being able to move!

  • I’m going to be posting a couple of pieces of short fiction from my university days on here, and I’ll reorganise the short stories menu thing at the same time. I can’t guarantee (indeed, I can say with almost total certainty that I won’t be able to) making this available as a print-on-demand book like The Landlady but the stories will be freely available in full on my website. So you will have to make do with staring at your phones on packed trains for reading them!
  • I will be posting a couple of book reviews this month also! I know no-one seems to really read them but it’s a good exercise to be getting into for my critical thinking and feedbacking abilities.
  • I’m also literally on the cusp of starting the next edit on my novel, The Thaw. I had a very productive chat with a fellow writer friend (and university classmate) that helped me focus on what I need to work on for this particular editing pass. I’m hoping it’ll be a lot less gruelling than the first edit, and my intention is to have The Thaw ready for submission to a professional editor, and maybe even agents, by the spring. So stay tuned!
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Glancing Back, Focusing Forward: 2018 in Rearview

2018-review

As December closes out and the festivities of the season die down it’s always a great time to reflect on the year that was. I’ve done this in the past and I was doubly inspired by the lovely Charlotte’s recent post. So I definitely want to take stock on what happened to me in 2018 and, importantly, have a think about where I want 2019 to go too. Obviously it’s futile to really commit too rigidly to goals for the year as stuff invariably happens that cannot be foreseen but that doesn’t stop one from being as aspirational.

There were a handful of “big” events that I’m very proud of having taken place in 2018.

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Freshly graduated! 😎🎓 #KingstonUniversity

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The first of these was my graduation this summer. In the past I may have alluded to some dissatisfaction with the Creative Writing course I undertook at Kingston University, which is an experience I still feel I should chronicle in my blog in the new year now my immediate, somewhat… passionate thoughts about have subsided and mellowed. One thing from the whole experience that I take away is a sense of pride that I managed to get through it and succeed in this endeavour. My graduation was a very happy event and I end 2018 in the knowledge that I made my friends, family and most importantly myself proud with the achievement.

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The second “event” of this year has to be the finishing of the first, gruelling edit of my work-in-progress novel The Thaw, which I’ve mentioned previously I’m sure of. I went to Kingston to expend the remainder of my printer credits to print off the second draft which I’m very proud to have completed. I’m doubly excited as I’ve just received some of the first substantive feedback (thanks to the amazing Rosie) to that draft that I sent out in July; I’m eager to work on this project some more in the early part of 2019 so I can finally submit it to agents, editors and publishers. I’m still immensely proud of my work on this book, I definitely feel it’s a worthy piece of work and I look forward to taking it on the next step of its journey.

Reflecting on my year in reading I remain content that I made the right decision to not undertake a Goodreads reading challenge this year as it’s really helped with some anxiety that participating was otherwise emanating from that. I’ve had a more sedate year in reading in 2018, which is good as I’m better able to enjoy my books as opposed to racing through them.

Here’s my pick of the titles I read (or re-read) this year:

  1. The Boy on the Bridge by MR Carey. This was a book I thoroughly enjoyed – having previously been captivated by The Girl With All The Gifts I was intrigued to read the prequel. It was a haunting, atmospheric novel of the highest order.
  2. Artemis by Andy Weir – a case of lightning indeed striking twice with Andy Weir of The Martian fame – one I enjoyed a great deal, an excellent, accurate but not intimidating space thriller.
  3. Silo by Hugh Howey – One the bookseller in Waterstones highly recommended it when I bought it! Another example of enjoyable, atmospheric post-apocalyptic fiction in a well-realised, contained world. Very excited to read the second in the series, Shift in 2019!
  4. Misery by Stephen King – a re-read but a worthy one on the back of Charlotte’s review, and there’s just so much to take from this lean, taut thriller I might make it an annual re-read.
  5. The Fog by James Herbert – I was inspired to re-read this classic book from this Tweet from Iain Dale and the scene, and the book itself, remains a high-water mark of Herbert’s prowess. My collection of his work grows!

Still, however, I feel I’ve been a little… conservative in my reading and that does bother me a little – I find myself almost being slightly self-conscious of my reading, especially as I let Goodreads post to my Twitter in public view. I feel I need to be less in a comfort zone for authors/genres I like and experiment a little. I certainly want to read more non-fiction; indeed, I took a recommendation from a friend to take on Chernobyl by Serhii Plokhy – a book I do need to finish, as it happens, but it’s again great to be able to take these on entirely at my own pace.

Landlady_Cover_MockUpAnd lastly, going again back to another post by Charlotte, that of her Halloween Story, I want to try to write more short fiction again; I’ve done it in the past way back when and I feel it’d be great to do so again, especially as I had such a positive reaction to The Landlady, my first foray into horror fiction which I wrote for my Creative Writing dissertation. I’ve been absolutely amazed at the reaction from friends, well-wishers and colleagues to that endeavour which has been absolutely lovely.

Charlotte’s Halloween piece has inspired me to write more “seasonal” work for events such as Halloween, Christmas… I’ll see how it goes. I had planned to release a festive horror short about this time but personal circumstances have eaten in quite considerably to my writing time, but it’s an idea I would definitely like to try out more in 2019 – I have missed writing short stories a bit and, having reorganised my website in 2018, I had to look again at my early work and there’s some solid ideas. Maybe I might revisit them, we’ll see!

I also managed to lose about two stone this year which is fantastic – thanks to the brilliant Chris Kenny for being a great inspiration for my progress there! Let the side down a little toward the end of the year (who diets at Christmas?) but I’m already raring to reclaim the ground again in 2019 and really power through it!

Graduation

I was thrilled about a week ago to officially graduate from my Creative Writing with English Literature degree course at Kingston University, attaining a not-to-be-sniffed at Upper Second Class degree. I wasn’t the only one – definitely check out my friend Charlotte’s similar blogpost about graduation!

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Freshly graduated! 😎🎓 #KingstonUniversity

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Overall, I was thrilled by the day and it’s a moment to cherish and be proud of as it’s the culmination of three years hard work. Yes university for me has been a mixed bag, especially at Kingston, and it’s something I want to explore in depth later as I feel it could be an important learning point for future students. But ultimately… I don’t regret the choice I made as I made some excellent friends who all share a core passion – and I do believe I did the right thing in the end by pursuing with University a subject and field I genuinely enjoy and have an interest in (as opposed to a degree just to get a job). Despite all that I feel about the misgivings and inadequacies of the Kingston Creative Writing course from a purely academic standpoint… I’ve had the privilege to meet some great people and that has made the experience a net positive, and I can actually say that my writing is markedly better than what it was.

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I do look back at the time a few years ago when I was mulling over this big decision – was it the right one? Time will tell. Right now, I don’t regret it fundamentally; again I have a lot of mixed feelings about Kingston as an institution… but I’m actually thrilled and proud of myself for this achievement, considering my road to University was a meandering and winding one.

But, as Charlotte said in her post, the answer to the inevitable questions of “what now?” are prominent. For the time being it’s relaxing to be able to work on my personal projects again but I’m determined not to rest on my laurels. I’ve started working on something new while I let The Thaw sit between edits, but I’m also taking a long look at where I stand here, at 28, and where it is I want to go. And you know what, I’m finally challenging the comfort zone mentality.

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Do I feel different after graduating? I’d say yes – it’s the end of one chapter of my life and the beginning of something new and exciting – and although I mention it frequently, my age is ultimately irrelevant to this. Despite my constant concerns about the academic quality of my course… it’s an achievement nonetheless and that shouldn’t be sniffed at!

Once again, and because I am a terrible procrastinator, I would like to sincerely thank all that supported me through University – to Charlotte, Rosie, Tom and many others (some of whom I won’t link to as a courtesy) for being excellent classmates and friends; to all those who know me who supported me through good times and bad; and lastly to my longstanding friend Sam for being a wise counsel about his own experience studying Creative Writing at Portsmouth that was the genesis of all this – let’s just say, you ain’t seen nothing yet!

Weight Loss Journey: The Sixteen Week Hitch

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I last wrote about my weight loss journey back in late February. I’m very pleased to report that I’ve made some great progress: from 117Kg in early February I’m now down to around 105Kg which is a real achievement to me!

The whole process of Weight Watchers has now fully ingrained into my psyche in a positive way – my whole perception of food as a whole has really shifted. I’m now a lot more conscious of what I’m eating; before I was less so, and even when I attempted a simple calorie count, that’s not the big picture at all!

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I’m a convert to the Weight Watchers SmartPoints system – it’s a scientific approach to consolidating a lot of confusing and complicated nutritional stats into a system that can be understood a lot more at-a-glance! I’ve noticed it’s not foolproof (more on that later) but the results can be surprising and I’m finding it motivating.

I’ve noticed a lot of my go-to foods that seemed insignificant, like a McDonalds milkshake, or even a simple supermarket sandwich, are packed full of unnecessary, empty points and this is definitely an area I feel I was letting myself down with before. Less so now!

Overall though I’m feeling fantastic – others have noticed an appreciable difference in my physical appearance which is endearing and motivating, especially as I have no self-esteem when it comes to my appearance generally, so noticing I’m able to fit into older clothes again, and my current clothes are feeling and looking baggier is a happy result of my effort so far. One of the things I’m really having mixed feelings about, and have for a long time, is how to receive and handle praise but I’m doing my best to channel it into positive energy and it’s driving me forward!

However, it’s not been plain sailing. I’ve recently had a bit of a bump or plateau where I’ve not been losing (much) weight; indeed, I’ve actually put on a pound or two! This has been more a disappointment than anything.

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The important lesson I’ve learned from this recent wobble is firstly: not to panic. Some weeks are good, some are bad. That’s normal, that’s life. I’ve taken a few days to mull over my progress so far, which overall has still been encouraging. Firstly, what are the circumstances around my recent wobble? Easy:

  • Complacency: It’s so easy, even when strenuously trying to avoid it, to fall into the “I’ve lost so I can…” mindset. I’m certain in the last few weeks I have done this to a minor point, saying “my weekly points [intended as a buffer zone] can take it”. I need to be a lot more disciplined.
  • Lack of focus: The last few weeks I’ve both had to content with the mental struggles of my final year university deadlines and some time off work afterward. I hold my hands up to being less than completely focussed during that time on my weight loss goals and more on my immediate challenges and goals.
  • Time away: I also had a week off after my final deadlines which culminated in a pleasant, if not a bit undisciplined weekend away to see a friend. Honestly, that week I simply took my hands off the wheel.
  • Restrictive SmartPoints budget: This is an emergent challenge – as my weight decreases the suggested SmartPoints I should look to consume has shrunk also. This has been a challenge recently as my new target, 30, is remarkably easy to “blow” with an unwise, impulse-led food choice.

However I’ve taken this into account and I’ve given myself time to mull over where I’m potentially going wrong and, more positively, steps to take to rebuild my momentum:

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    View from a sunny walk in Sutton

    Getting active: This is a step that I initially tried last summer; now the long winter has ended and there’s some glorious weather I can finally get out for fitness walks. I do feel I do better to do multiple short-ish walks throughout the week – aiming for at least three 1.5 mile walks a week – than a few long ones for motivational reasons. They’re also great for starting the day and helping with my mental health!

  • Cutting out problem foods: I’ve decided that a go-to snack for me – pitta bread with houmous – has to go as I’m eating it to excess which negates the health and weight loss benefit. Because I know myself, it’s not enough to just say “no” internally; I’m just not having it in the house for a while.
  • Focusing my attitude: Ultimately I need to take this seriously again to get down to my personal goal weight of 95Kg; I’ve made good progress and I need to just carry on that momentum. Part of this was thinking I’d plateau’d but I don’t genuinely think this is the case and my mental focus just needs to be sharpened to the weaknesses I’ve identified.

So that’s my plan for the summer! I hope to be able to report more encouraging news next time!